Dating is bananas.
Online dating, specifically, is the devil. Now, with that said, that is how I primarily date these days. It’s convenient, it’s quick, and you can read their lies…I mean their profiles..from the comfort of your own home, while drinking wine and watching Real Housewives. It’s exciting to see who viewed your profile, and the little “dings” that pop up on your phone notifying you that someone added you as a “favorite” or “winked” at you or grew some (fill in the blank here) and messaged you. So, you read the emails, and you start weeding thru the ones that say “hi :)” and “wanna have some fun? ;)” Oh the best are the ones that incorporate the jokes you made in your profile into their pick up lines. I don’t know, some girls may think that’s clever and endearing. I think it’s dumb. Then you find the one that peaks your interest…”Hey, I read your profile, liked it, take a look at mine, hit me up if interested.” Because honestly, that’s what it’s about. As a side note….pictures DO matter. #sorrynotsorry. Guys, if you’re not strong selfie takers, don’t take them. Don’t pose next to your car and don’t take mirror selfies at the gym. And girls…oh my…don’t upload Instagram pictures with obvious filters because in real life, there are no filters. He’s gonna find out. No bikinis, no boob shots. It’s not a good look.
So, you see some good pics and now you are ready to read their profile. Ok. Long walks on the beach…too cliche. I think it goes without saying that everyone in the world would like that. But I live in the country, and the closest beach is about 2 1/2 hours away and I’m sorry, but I’m not going to the beach on a first date. Ain’t nobody got time for that. Oh, and don’t dwell on the fact that you work out religiously and enjoy healthy living and eat super healthy. Trust me. We all enjoy a healthy lifestyle and strive for that, but most women out there are just like me. I don’t mind ordering a pizza and eating 4 pieces while watching reality tv in my sweats on a Friday night. And I will probably eat a bowl of ice cream afterwards and I will not work out on Saturday morning. So guys, it’s intimidating, and annoying to read. Another of my personal faves are “wine by the fire.” Who does that?? Like, really. First of all, it’s summer and about 100 degrees and that does not sound enticing. Secondly, I am still not convinced that anybody does that. Ever.
Ok, so you read a profile with good pics and a decent write up and you start messaging one another. “Hi.” “How was your day.” “Do anything fun over the weekend?” Oh.My.God. As if chatting with a perfect stranger isn’t awkward enough, now I have to lie to him. I can’t possibly tell him my day began with my daughter telling me she hated me and slammed every door in the house because “you just don’t understand MOM!” And I can’t tell him that my boss pulled me aside at work to talk to me about my crabby attitude because well, I hate my job. I also can’t possibly tell him I didn’t do anything over the weekend because I checked my bank account and I have no money to even buy milk. So….I respond “Great! Had an amazing workout before work and I just met up with some friends for drinks and apps over the weekend. It was pretty chill.”
Then…..the moment. You fed him enough lies about your fake life and he asks for your number. You give it to him. And then….well, that’s my next blog. #thepursuitofme
