Happiness in all ways.

We live in absolutes. Always, forever, eternal, all or nothing. We want certainty and we never seem to be happy until we reach that grandiose higher level of being that we have made ourselves to believe is so attractive. I wonder if we move throughout our days as authentic as we believe we are. Or are we running through this life with masks upon our face trying to get through the maze which society has made up for us. I’m not quite sure of the answer, actually. I do know for certain that our souls are meant for a little bit of not so sures and I don’t knows and inconsistencies and let downs. Perhaps happiness is nestled within the incongruity of life’s patterns and is found within all ways and not just the absolutes.

William Shakespeare once wrote, “The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars but in ourselves.” I think we have this romantic and idealistic notion that anything in which happens to us, good or bad, is the universe speaking to us. Do I hold truth to some pretty dreamy ways? Of course I do. But I am also a realist. In relationships, I am a sucker for magnetic pulls. I feel like two humans are drawn to one another never by chance and always for purpose. When two people come together, they bring a whole entire ensemble of luggage which trails behind them for all of eternity. Sometimes the bags are pried open, sometimes they are overflowing and anxious to come undone and oftentimes the zipper is broken and all is confined for a long while. It’s finding the one who appreciates the struggle. The one who will help lift and carry and also the one who sometimes allows it all to falter. Relationships are tough, man. It’s finding the one who will take all of your seconds and minutes and years leading up to this one and appreciating the not so dreamy of ways. Because we make mistakes and live with fault. It’s the human in us.

I think that our stories in life are comprised of jagged little pieces. None of them really quite make sense, so we become a little frustrated when we can’t complete the puzzle. It’s human nature to want to make every little thing fit. I think there is such beauty in the unevenness of our stories. I think that marriage that didn’t quite make it was pretty noteworthy because you made some amazing children and shared some amazing moments in this grand life of yours. That time you wanted that job so damn badly and it failed was just a stepping stone to something you never even realized you wanted. I think that shattered heart was just what you needed in order to realize that you are capable of loving again. I think that home in which you were forced to move out of wasn’t the shelter you really thought made you safe. I think we make choices in life and I think we make them consciously and we don’t give ourselves enough credit for making them. I’ll take the good with the bad and the sad with the happy. I don’t need my story to appear seamless because that’s an unattainable and lofty goal to achieve. I wouldn’t want it anyway.

I think we should own up to our shortcomings and our happily never afters and we apologize and hug and try so hard to not repeat patterns. Invite that person over to dinner whom you never thought you would speak to again. Say goodbye to the person who doesn’t breathe life into you any longer. Begin again with that person you’re on the fence about. Lend yourself and your energy to the things that don’t quite fit into such a perfect mold because gosh, those are things which will make you feel alive. They will challenge you and they will extract the realest of feelings from that self of yours. Happiness comes from all ways. Love and appreciate every single jagged puzzle piece in front of you because they are forming your very imperfect, albeit drop dead gorgeous, self that you are.