This year of mine in review.

This year has most definitely been one of the most craziest. I was in love, I fell out of love, I started dating again, I became a full time single mama, I found my voice, and a whole lot of other things happened. I mean. It’s been one hell of a ride.

Let’s address my relationship status. Once upon a time I fell in love with a boy. He was far from what I was used to, and I sort of really liked that. He wasn’t typical and he made me smile an awful lot. I think we may have both wanted the same thing, but at two completely separate times. Was it a perfect relationship? Far from it. But I loved him with my whole heart. Turns out he was far braver than I was because he saw the writing on the wall sooner than I did and decided to end it. I don’t speak to him anymore but I sure wish him well and that’s that.

I have come to the realization that I want more than I have right now at this very moment. It doesn’t mean I’m unhappy, but I’m hungry for more. I went through a huge transition in my career this year and it proved to be challenging yet awe inspiring in the same breath. I  have realized it’s alright to show feelings and emotion in business, not only because it’s who I am, but because it makes me relatable. I have profound relationships in my life and they have all been based upon real and raw emotions. I do not aspire to mirror someone else’s managerial style. I’m quite capable and prepared to model my very own. I have no problem saying nope when I mean no and standing by my convictions when I say yes. I’m not just a girl navigating the world of Corporate America anymore. I have come into my very own and I’m sort of ready to conquer the playing field I have been sidelining for years.

Motherhood. Oh man, this year!  I found myself raising my daughter 100% of the time, not only physically, but financially. She is teetering upon the teen years and I have been buying wine in bulk. No joke. She knows everything in the whole entire world and I know absolutely nothing and I don’t even know if I’m allowed in her space most days. I will admit that the very things that drive me mad about her are the things that I absolutey am in love with. She is me, entirely. She loves her space. She is a free spirit, yet totally guarded and cautious. She isn’t happy unless she’s creating something artistically. She loves to draw. Her words are very specific. They can be cutting at times, but man, are they intentional. When she doesn’t feel heard, she will draw you in. She loves God with her whole entire being and she studies His word and rejoices in song and she adores Him with her whole heart. She is breathtakingly beautiful. I think oftentimes she doesn’t even realize it and that’s super scary to me. This world is hers for the taking. I hope someday she thanks me for being tough on her and for demanding a whole lot. This world is massive and it’s not super kind at times and it’s unjust and I want her to be able to weather all of it. I pray that she will always maintin her assertive and strong side, yet always carry her emotional and caring heart. Recently we helped out at a Christmas event to help folks in need and as she was helping a family, she noticed a little girl shivering because she was in shorts in December and she said that was the only outfit she had to wear that day. My daughter took her favorite sweatshirt off and gave it to the little girl so that she could be warm. Man, she’s spectacular.

I have come to the realization that I love giving back to others. I may not have all of the money in the world to give, but I have my heart. This past year I have encountered some stories from folks which would bring some people to their knees. I have witnessed heartache to the truest sense of the word. I will stop at any street corner where I see a human in need. It physically hurts to know that a human being will go to sleep hungry tonight and be cold and unsheltered. Gosh, we have got to help one another to the best of our abilities.

I am so proud of my friendships and I hold them especially close to my heart. I am not perfect. I am a less than perfect friend most of the time. I can’t attend most gatherings and I can’t make plans as I would like to. I can’t connect face to face most days, but that’s not because I don’t want to. It’s because life is strong and I’m doing it solo and I’m trying so hard to stay sane in this crazy life I lead. I sure like you guys a whole lot and I appreciate you with my whole entire being.

My family. Boy, where do I begin? First off, I am so absolutely in awe of my mother. I have always appreciated her, but this year, I notice it more. She single handedly quit her career years ago to take care of my brother after his near fatal car accident. My brother was telling me about a Starbucks gift card he received for Christmas and I made a joke about him using it to buy my mom coffee and without hestitation he said “Who cares? I’ll buy her all of the coffee she wants.”  I love his love for our mom. She’s fantastic. It’s not that I have only discovered that this year, I mean, I have known it all along, but I’m more aware of her selflessness. My parents are spectacular. I will also say that I am so unbelievably proud to call my siblings my best friends. Through years of heartache and loss and joy and sorrow and ups and downs and in betweens, they are my besties. I will never ever take that for granted.

I feel as if this year has brought me closer to my faith. I am completely taken by Him. I believe in the whole entire universe. I pray to the stars and the moon and to God and to all of life’s glory. I don’t feel as if my beliefs are the standard, but I don’t discredit yours and I would hope you don’t discredit mine. Over the course of this past year, I have been more vocal about my beliefs. But gosh, I accept all of yours, even if they aren’t parallel to mine. I choose to connect through the common thread of human kindness. It may be dreamy, but I tend to believe that most of us operate upon that structure of life. I like that a whole lot.

This past year has been an awful lot. Friends are getting married, and having babies, and buying homes, and promoting within their jobs. I used to compete with their lives and I sort of stopped doing that a few months ago. My timeline is mine. And it’s absent of yours. I am a dreamy head in the clouds of sort of girl. I get lost in words and I will dissect them and make them twist and turn until I figure them out. I will find the love that I love the most. I will continue to love my solidarity and to crave the human experience. I will wear my heart on my sleeve and I’ll get my heart broken. And I’ll love again and again and again. I’ll text too much when I have been drinking and I will post about this silly life of mine on social media and I will blog until I run out of ideas. I will stop at street corners to the men and women holding signs and I will offer hugs and smiles and anything I can possibly give. I have come to realize that the most amazing gift you can give someone is your time and sometimes a hug is just abaolutely everything.

I hope we all accept our 2016 and all of the years which led up to it and that we welcome 2017 with open arms. I think it’s going to be super great for all of us.